What shall i do with my last 10 weeks?

Time is no longer my best ally. It's fast becoming my nemesis. I only have 10 more remaining weeks to do the things that I love and enjoy doing. Ten weeks! Do you get that?

There are so many things that I want to explore and to experience again. How am I going to squeeze in all those acts? I really have no idea. I am as shocked as you are. Why did it have to be this soon? I am not yet ready myself.

I want to overcome my fear of driving. Yes, I desire to be on that seat. So self-assured looking as I traverse the busy roads of the Metro. Hmm, superior complex on strike again. I vow that before my 10 weeks end, you will see me driving the promised Vios. Wink.

I had a change of heart. I now want to try to go fishing and experience it firsthand. I am not doing it for anyone else but myself. Well, I have no idea where and when and how but soon, I will ask some friends to join me in San Fabian again. We will immerse with the real fisher folks.

I'd like to eat lugaw at Auring's on Sundays especially on rainy days like this. I want to feel the warmth and regards all over again. I want the caldo to envelope me. I want to exclaim that I can live with just eating lugaw on every single day of my life.

On the 7th week, I wish that I can still go to bars. I wish to liberate myself. Dance as if no one is seeing me. Drink as if I am that thirsty. Smoke like there's no tomorrow. Meet and smile at everyone as if I am Ms. Congeniality.

Since I have been losing weight dramatically, I wish to engage in what Nikolai and I enjoyed doing before. Me posing for him. Hahaha. I will always remember how he adores my eyes. He is the sister I never had. He may be gay but the bond we shared has gone beyond gender borders. Let’s have shisha again. I miss those K smokes shisha days.

If only my self –esteem wasn’t that badly hurt, I’d go to Rich’s dinner invite. I don’t know what his intentions are, but I thank him for seeing something in me that the one I long to see it never did. I am wide awake that’s why I never agreed in any of the invites to hang out. More than the “I am not yet ready to love again” phase, I believed in your words. That I am not good for him---a crap like how you always see me.

I still pray to God to grant me another chance to be with Eydrine. I’d like to spend some more babysitting time with him. One day of fun and genuine laughter. We’d hear a mass while I carry him all the time. We’d play at Timezone. Shooting and throwing balls then after every game, he would run to me jumping as I embrace him. Afterwarrds, we will eat in McDo. He likes nuggets so I’ll feed him that. Lastly, we will go to the supermarket. I’ll let him run while I followed him with my heels on. I so adore that kid. I wish I can have someone like him. So bright and articulate. Way to go Lance, Ate Lei will just guide you from afar. Thanks much for the limited but fun times I had with you.

Consequently, I’d like to make sure that my ninang obligations to Kyle be fulfilled. F and I talked about this before; I will give him my old ATM. He will be the one giving my gifts to Kyle and Eydrine on special occasions.

I wish to see the article published before my days end. I want to hold it, see it, read it before my very eyes. I would like to do a critic like what I love doing with the other articles. That article may lack the substance. But it is so subtle that you will find yourself agreeing with me all over again.

I can imagine myself checking in to Queen's alone. Sniffing the old, comforting scent. How that room witnessed my femininity. The good old days that will never ever happen again.

I long to gaze on the stars with Pio again. It was him who introduced that idea to me. I remember the nights when he would call me and would ask me to go by the window and look up. Those twinkling stars are his. Him lovingly smiling at me. This made me miss him more. Those commendable efforts for the fireworks he set up for me once we were on the rooftop. Gee, I'd really like to believe that he loves me but my mind tells me that it isn't love. He is just grateful to have someone like me, constantly guiding him in his endeavors.

I hope to watch "One More Chance" on the last night. I want my close friends to watch and experience it with me over iced cold Absolut. I want to feel the lines and all the drama in it. I want to feel their pain so I’d know that I am still human. Capable of feeling feelings again.

And if I'd be given the chance to start my life all over again, there's only one event that I would try to alter. The very night I replied to a PM of someone who asked me if I am a human. Maybe then, I'd be whole again. Playful and free spirited.

So many wishes, wants, desires and longings. I hope to do all these before my days end. I want to create as many happy memories as possible. With those, I can really say that I lived my life to the fullest.