sour graping

I lied. Yes, I did when I said that my heart no longer beats for him. Or so I thought. Last night's YM conversation proved to be another heartbreaking night. Breathing was literally hard for me. I can't even sleep nor eat. I feel that I am falling to the depths of depression again. I don't know but I still feel the pain. Any seeds of hope for possible reconciliation were finally put to a rest.

I was with him for 15 months. And barely 3 weeks from the falling out, he's open to dating again. It will be on Saturday with the girl he hopes to be "the one". The girl's an achiever and all that "wowness" factors he's looking for a partner. Grabe.

I cannot help but feel a bit jealous. I should be in that place and not her. It pains me to read all the accolades he has for "achiever". Yes, this is another sour graping entry but I can't help it. I so love that man and knowing that another girl already took my place is sort of a nightmare that I want to end.

Right now, I feel weak even more. Absurd as it may sound, twice today that I wished for my instant death. I can't stand the physical and emotional pain. Lord, if you are to take me, prepare me and do it ASAP. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I want to rest peacefully.