don't rain, PLEASE

bebe and I will go stargazing in Antipolo later tonight.
gee, I am oh so excited!
i am so looking forward to this event.

should I?

Cornell University e-mailed me.
I am so undecided on what to pursue after Orcom.
I am not even done with my thesis.
Am I too ambitious?
Or looking ahead too much?

Application fee costs $200
TOEFL is like 5k
GMAT is around 4k
time is running and I must decide ASAP

I must carefully weigh my options
There's no turning back.
I don't want to waste my parents' money and my time.

What do you think?

PATIENCE

. . . is the idea of not getting mad over the little irritations that are so much a part of everyone's life.

Afterall, I don't need much patience.
I need to develop the virtue of understanding one another.
I must or else, it'll be a cycle of love-hate-love.


PS: I am really, really trying to become one.
Please help me, this is a process and I cannot develop this trait alone.

beeby

hi beeby! (beeby read as bibi)
surprise! ahahaha
i'm almost certain that you will visit this page so i might as well leave messages for you.

• Don't succumb to the pressure in the workplace, you can do those designs. Don't force yourself to finish those sheets all at the same time. Breathe. Relax. Do your best but don't forget to have fun.

• I had fun last night. One of the rare moments we have. Soothing songs from Nina, star gazing within the UPD campus and comforting silence that enveloped us. And oh, plus delicious dinner too. Who says that happiness has to be expensive? I so disagree.

• I may not say I love you as much as you do but one thing is for sure, i love you so much. I'm not so good at saying it but i hope that I am able to make you feel it. You are God's most special gift to me. More than of what I've asked and prayed for. I love you bebe.

• Lastly, Im excited for our weekend gala. Hahaha. Baon ka madami chips ah, baka madeprive tayo ng food eh pumayat tayo pareho.

PS: beeby, i miss you already. found the weakest spot and oh, don't close your eyes! Rar. i love you my bebe franco. Cheesy and mushy lea. Hahaha. Nagulat ka ba?

so Lea

Does your name begin with: L

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

"You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".

i daydream alot

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

The Bottom Line

Daydreaming about your future is like playing pretend -- fun, but not productive.

In Detail

It's a fine idea to plan ahead in your life, but make sure you're doing it with facts and plans -- not just wishes and hopes. Daydreaming about your future is a lot like playing pretend -- lots of fun, but not very appropriate for grownups. So today, stop picturing what your life will be like in ten years and just focus on making it better now. Try to live in the moment. In order to create a better life down the road, you have to improve the foundations, today.

* * * * *

I don't believe in horoscopes but I read them once in a while. Upon reading this one, the idea scares me because I am very guilty of daydreaming. I usually wonder alot about my future, who and what I will become in the tomorrow. Will I become "Atty. Kathryn", "Mrs. Flores" or nominated for best thesis? Rar. These and more are some of the stuff I fantasize on. Hahaha

In order to create a better life down the road, you have to improve the foundations, today.-I am doing my very best to make all those seemingly impossible dreams materialize. I am studying hard enough esp on my thesis because I want to be win the best thesis award or at least even nominated for that matter. With Law schooling, maybe I should take subjects on Philo and Polsci. Being talkative isn't enough even if the form is very good, substance matters after all. The second most idea that I always think of , maybe is the most difficult to achieve among others. This one needs alot of patience, understanding, sacrifice and respect in order to happen. Love is not enough. Efforts should really be exerted.The desire to become the best partner should always prevail in everything that I will do. It is an everyday decision and struggle to stay together in the relationship no matter how tiring and tear jerking the experience may be. Prayers, Love, Desire and Efforts will make this work. See? daydreaming is not that bad after all! And with that, I rest my case.

japs

Gee, Japs Cuan accepted my friendster invite today.

Surprisingly, I am kinikilig. Hahaha.

Maybe because he has a striking resemblance with my "significant other"

***I can't sleep anymore. My reward for being cranky this early morning. Tsk. I'll never ever stay up late again (yes, you never asked me to nga pala) because you didn't seem to appreciate the effort. Oh crap, the stupid little crazy stuff that I do just for love. Come on. Indulge to my survey addiction.

1.Spell your name as it sounds.

- le-ya kath-rin

2. Are you available?

- sure. I'm bored as hell

3. Current song you're listening to?

- living angel

4. Favorite colors?

- shades of orange

5. Does your home have a bookcase?

- yes

THE HAVES:

1. Have you been to Canada?

- not yet but SOON

2. Have you ever gone fishing?

- yes, in Pangasinan

3. Have you ever seen a celebrity?

- surely

4. Have you ever been on a motorcycle?

- nope, I’m scared

THE HOWS:

1. How much money do you have on you

right now?

- 500+ lang

2. How many jobs have you had?

- interniship at SCB

3. How tall are you?

- 5"2 lang yata

THE LASTS:

1. Last movie you saw?

- Zohan, August 07

2. Last thing you yelled out loud?

- “bukas un main door, dun kayo dumaan. Ayoko na tumayo”

3. Last person you were in a car with?

- unknown people from my last fx ride

4. When's the last time you ate McDonald's?

- July 30 with F

5. The last thing you bought?

- top from MS (they have free save the nature bag for every purchase. Cute)

6. Last person you saw?

- Paolo

7. Last time you cried?

- I'm close to crying 2hrs ago. Rar. INIS na INIS na naman ako

8. Last time you laughed?

- can’t really remember

THE WHATS:

1. What is the temperature outside?

- no idea but it’s a bit cold. 4:35am

2. What time did you wake up?

- 2am

3. Do you have a best friend?

- yes

4. What did you do two days ago?

- watched UAAP

5. Is your birthday coming up?

- next year

6. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?

- lying in my bed, thinking again (daydreaming? Hahaha)

7. What are your plans for this weekend?

- work on my thesis

8. Coke or Pepsi?

- coke

9. What do you dislike at the moment?

- stubborn F

10. What did you dream about last night?

- I always have bad dreams. I am going to die soon

11. What's the last TV show you watched?

- SBN ch. 21, Gymnastics (Beijing Olympics)

12. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?

- huge pearl from granny

13. Are you on any medication?

- nope

14. Have you ever cut your own hair?

- not yet

15. What is your favorite frozen treat?

- ice cream nalang

16. Where is your fave place to be?

- in my room

17.Who was you last text from?

- F

di ko na alam

yeah, di ko na alam ang sasabihin. parang wala na ako nasabi at nagawa na tama.
nagsasawa na ako. napapagod na ako. nalulungkot na ako
the more i try to reach out, palaging may napapansin mali.
i cant be the perfect partner for you.
masyado ako madami flaws.
kung di kana happy, i wont hold you
sabihin mo lang...

my lasts...

Rule 1:

If you opened this you GOTTA take it.

Rule 2:

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain

ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks

Rule 3:

Only answer truthfully

"Who was your last?"

1. Had a beer with?

- gara+toby+hiks at gara’s

2. Went to the movies with?

_ Franco

3. Went to the mall with?

_ de jesus clan.

4. Talked on the phone with?

_ bebe

5. Made you laugh?

_ tita cora

6. You hugged?

_ grandpa

7. You chatted with?

_ bebe?

Would you rather

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?

_ nose

2. Be serious or be funny?

_ serious

3. Drink whole or skim milk?

_ skim

4. Die in a fire or get shot?

_ got shot

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon?

_ moon. :)

2. Winter or Fall

_ fall

3. Left or right?

_ righty

4. Sunny or Rainy?

_ sunny.

5. Peach or Pear?

_ pear

6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

_ twirl the paste and twirl his. hahaha

7. Do You Cook?

_ yes

8. Current mood?

_ missing bebe franco

IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone special?

_ surely

2. Sing?

_ nope

3. Been hugged?

_ oh yes

4. Danced Crazy?

_ no chance

5. Cried?

_ 2 nights ago

happy

because . . .

• we are oh so fine now. he loves me still and i love him so much :)

• I have jammies to wear on Orcomsoc's acquaintance party.

• we have clear plans for our future. together or not, we are both free to pursue our dreams. no one is holding the other. kind of sad but practicality must be practiced

• UP won their second W after a five losing streak

• Bebe is more caring and sensitive now. I just hope it'll last longer or for good.

• I am starting to feel comfortable after the rift. I thought I became numb because of petty LQs but the love and desire is so strong that I am willing to forgive and forget. "Bury the hatchet" as they call it.

• I have more choices now. I don't have to limit myself on pursuing a childhood dream. Masters, international degree and others...

• I inculcated in him the value of not resting his laurels. Always challenge thy self. Push the limits and explore

• loving taught me not to be selfish. there are ups and downs but the desire to surpass challenges matters the most

maybe 13 hours or more

• He hasn't spoken with me for 13 hours now.

• "Ayoko mainis please" - sure, I'll give you the silence you want. Take your time. Punish me more. you know that I cannot take this kind of treatment.

• How many hours will it take him to finally forgive me? To bury the hatchet?

• I am not good at waiting. I am impatient. this silence is not so comfortable. I am getting restless. I am now occupied with so many negative thoughts.

• Are we headed to splitville? Lord, please... not yet.

• I never learned my lesson. Here we go again. Back to where we started- bickering. Bickering in a very subtle manner. This is the most painful of all the tampuhan and awayan.
  

• I am as sad as Niki. She broke up with Francis. She's right, if only laughter can disguise the emptiness, she would laugh like there's no tomorrow. Niki is single and mingling again. Am i going to sing the same tune soon? Hell, NO!
  

moody as hell

Your EQ is 87

You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. You're quite moody, and sometimes you find yourself feeling upset without knowing what really caused it. Your emotions can overtake you at times, and you do tend to become preoccupied with your negative thoughts. Remember that your emotions don't have to rule your life, and take it easy when you deal with other people. The world is a difficult enough place - no need to make life any harder for yourself!

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

F will agree on this one

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to take over the whole bed. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: In a very bad mood It's hard to sleep next to you because: You hog the covers.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

my pride is all i have

Your Pride Quotient: 80%

You're beyond proud - you think you're honorary royalty. And while you may be nice on occasion, it's usually just to get what you want.

How Much Pride Do You Have?

i strongly disagree

Not a Jealous Bone in Your Body

You're secure, trusting, and giving with friends and lovers And while you may have been hurt before, you've bounced back You're generally happy with your life - and no one's grass is greener than yours One word of caution: some may see your lack of jealousy as indifference!

Are You A Jealous Woman?

control freak

You Are 72% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it. While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

Are You A Control Freak?

natal days

MY Birthdate: March 4

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking. However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone. Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2 You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

HIS Birthdate: April 30

You are certain and confident when you choose to love someone. Even though your romantic choices may be unconventional - you stand behind them. Your friends never know you as well as a romantic partner does. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 6 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 6 You are most compatible with people born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, and 30th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

i can be patient

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content. Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while. But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Are You Happy Being Single?

Definitely lustful

Your Lust Quotient: 54%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

to my F

Capital “B” is how my classmates call and describe me. B as in bitch or bitchy. And today is not an exemption. Not with my classmates or professors but with the one guy I have always asked for. Yes, the bitchiness in me prevailed today and I don’t have any single excuse for my behavior.

Lately, I have been acting rude and cold towards him. Before, my excuse was premenstrual syndrome or more popularly known as PMS which is half true. But today, I repeat, I can’t think of any. Maybe I am not feeling well or there were so many people in SM North that’s why I easily got irate. Ha Ha Ha. What a lame alibi I thought of.

Tracing on what transpired yesterday and today, I think, could be one factor for my tantrums.

On Thursday morning at around 5am, mom aroused me from my deep slumber because of a phone call. The caller is my ninang Ochie. She was asking me to research on AJ’s project because it was due on the same day at 11 AM. Being the good girl that I am, I agreed to lend my resources for her to utilize. 30 minutes had gone by and she could not find any materials, she asked me to do whole research process. Halfheartedly, I obliged. And when I was about to finish the whole thing, AJ informed her that the regions we were researching on were incorrect. Instead, we should have looked for regions 11, 12 and 13 and not 8, 9 and 10. This development nearly made me lose my temper. I revised the whole thing thanks to “Wow Philippines” website.

Nearly before lunch, my significant other is not texting that much. I forgot the reasons but all I remembered is he’s busy. I told him what happened to my unfortunate whole morning and all he replied was “okay lang, tapusin mo muna.” I am looking for lambing to make me feel good but the one person I want to do it did not. Out of disappointment, my very reliable friend Ken cheered me up by inviting me to play “word racer”. He won over me by 5 points and that scum didn’t give a chance get even. According to him, he was sleepy then. Oh well, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because it was almost midnight in California. Hmpp. I’ll back to you soon. Ha Ha Ha.

Just after lunch, I took a bath and went to SM Marilao. I was looking for cute pajamas for Orcomsoc’s pajama party. After like an hour, I could not find any so sent a rant SMS to my bebe informing him that the whole SM Marilao has no jammies. Uhuh, the brute did not reply. Another missed lambing and so knowing the very sensitive me, I began to feel sad and unloved.

Around 6PM, I sent another SMS that I am about to go home and that he was so busy that he could not even replied to any of my SMS. Finally, he did send an sms that says “Lat text. I love you beb, wala na load eh... Jan 4 up to nabasa ko eh. Tuloy ko later.” I let this incident pass because he has no credits.

Come 7PM, I received a message from him that he’s homebound. I calculated in my mind that maybe before 8PM he’ll be home so we could chat or text more. And to my surprise, he didn’t go home after work; he passed by Trinoma and saw Billy Crawford there. Another nerve in my body got piss off by his lack of courtesy to inform me of what he was up to. I hate it when I am clueless, same reason why I hate surprises.

After 45 minutes, I got so tired of waiting. I am sleepy and sad then. With all the politeness left in my sanity, I did inform him through text that I will be sleeping because I lack one. He replied that he’s 5mins away from home, that he has a picture of a certain Nicole. With all the sleepiness, I was no longer able to reply to him. He called me but I was really drifting to dreamland then. How I would love to listen and talk to him but my very body is not capable at that time. And to cut it shortly, I slept right there and then.

Past 1AM, I was awakened by a bad dream so I texted him. Asked him if was still awake but didn’t get to receive any reply. And so I assume he was asleep. I even wished him a good night sleep. I felt so alone again. Alone and scared. Sleep was elusive no matter how hard I try to close my eyes.

Finally, around 6AM today, I can feel that my eyes are tired. With all courtesy, did text him gain that I’ll get a sleep because the whole dawn I was awake. He replied then. We had a few exchanges before I dozed off. When I woke up, he was so cold. Not paying attention to me again. I asked him regarding last night unanswered sma but his only reply was “basta”. This really made me lose all the temper I have. I find him rude and unaffectionate. I began to act cold too.

At 3PM, I was on my way to SM North because they are on sale and I have to buy jimmies for the party. There were so many people (it’s Friday and its sale, what do I expect?) and I felt a bit dizzy. I can’t even find any to buy and added to my irritation. And when F asked me because he’s going to meet me, I just replied “at the block, I want to go home” to which he replied “umuwi kana, oki lang”. I was like “oh my God, why is he so dense?” another “lambingin mo kaya ako” missed. Tsk. Maybe, someone has to teach my F to be sensitive.

Past 6PM, I finally got to lay my eyes on him. He was frowning so I thought he was mad at me. With that kind of welcome expression in his face, I distanced myself. I was trying hard not to cry that’s why I don’t want to speak. In my head, thoughts like “isn’t he happy to see me, is he mad or is he in a hurry” lingered. he walked me to the fx terminal, upon falling in line, he just kissed me goodbye.

Upon seated at the FX, Gara invited me to dinner. I got off the FX. I immediately texted F to wait for me and join us to dinner. I waited in front f Jollibee and minutes after his non appearance, I went to Kamiseta. There I found a Kimono inspired dress, I wanted to fit the dress before buying but the long queue before me lost my interest. And so, I decided to follow him in the supermarket. After 6 steps away from Kamiseta boutique, I saw him. I talked to him but he was passive. I kept silent again. Just savoring the time I have with him. After a few steps, I lost sight of him. I kept on looking but he was gone. I told myself and resigned, maybe this is another “walk-out on Lea” episode again.

Alone, I strolled around the mall. 10 minutes later, I decided to go home and rest. Think things over. Assess myself. Find logical reasons for my unbecoming.

I didn’t find any. I am still a rotten bitch. I might lose him again. I don’t think I’ll be ever ready for that but if I need to, I will be.

To F, there are so many things I want to tell you. So many things that I am excited to share with you. I just hope that you still have the patience to bear with me. I love you. And thank you very much.