Busted

I am.

My heart is pounding like I run 5km. Shit, I hate this feeling. I am feeling guilty all the more. Why am I such a coward? I must face him soon. Rar.

3 days before I became jobless, I went permanently offline to Ken. That was more of a social experiment for me. I am tried to be independent---without having to divulge my future plans with him. I want to be my own person again. willed and hard headed. It's not that I hate having someone to police my thoughts or whatever, but I just wanted to go back to my old form. I don't like being inhibited. Because the more you say no, the more I do the otherwise.

Five minutes ago, he sent a PM using his old account. Yes, he saw me online! And I went offline that very moment. Kaloka. Malay ko ba naman maiisipan nya gamitin pa yun?! Now, I am using my allergic to eggs account just to avoid him. I am not ready to face him. I have no valid excuse. Nor an excuse for that matter. I know that sorry will not be enough. Never.