Escapism at its best

July 10, 2009
Staff House
11:29:59pm

I am escaping life. I am employing escapism. I am using escapism to retreat from depression and other mental anxieties. Whenever I feel sad or depressed, I just veer away from happier times or brighter things because it makes me feel bad even more.

I am young and feeling bright. I thought that if I went out into the world with an open heart and mind, somehow things will go to my line of attack. I wanted to escape from the predictability and routines of life, as I knew it. I followed my desires to go to the South even though F told me that it is a foolish idea.

I gave in to my wishes because it was what I wanted to see and experience. I wanted to travel in a world or paradise where things are exotic, yet familiar. Where experiences are safe, yet exciting. Where my days are new and different, yet predictable for it’ll be work.

I know that this thing is very unhealthy. It’s becoming detrimental for I am neglecting reality. I refuse to deal with my depression and mental anxieties in a tangible and practical way.

I know that I have to open up soon. And be back to reality. Face my fears. Let go of my pains. Move on. And lead a better path. If only I can forgive myself from all the ruts that I made, may be I can do the former.

Slowly and surely, I will be back into my real world. I want to see myself laughing hard as I emerge victorious in this endeavor. Papa God, do not leave me. You’re the only light I see in this bleak reality.