letting go

Tsk. I received a quote from a friend and it says:

Letting go is proper when you have already shown how much you a love a person and still nothing happened.

It is proper when you know it in your heart that you did your part and even half of it but all remained unreciprocated.

Letting go is not really giving up on how you feel about the person.

It is sometimes just choosing to love him from afar, to save yourself from further trouble.

And I ask:

Is it time to let go when the other partner has no more reason to fight for the relationship?

When is too much too much?

Why is it that good memories are killing you?

Can you really save yourself from trouble when depression is about to come after letting go?

When? When? When?

minutes before

Gee, I feel so Christmassy and why not, it is just a few minutes before the birth of Jesus Christ.

a bottle of anti depressant

After a very "memorable" Tuesday love, he told me that he will give something. And I just frowned because I thought that it was just another joke. Rar. To my surprise, he gave me a bottle. The bottle contains letters that are said to be anti- depressant and must be taken once a day to avoid overdose.

Whew, I am surprised once again. This is overly sweet and romantic of him. Gee, "nahiya" naman ako kasi wala pa ako Christmas gift sa kanya tapos sya ang dami ng nabigay sa akin. Tsk.

Franco Flores a.k.a. BEBE, with all my heart, a sincere thank you for all the things that you have done for me. I just can't express my gratitude when we're together for unknown reasons. I just don't know how to express it. Whew. I never regretted having you in my life. You made me happy in ways I never expected. Your mom is right. Indeed, I am very lucky to have someone like you.

* * * * *

my bdj

Today, he gave me a belle de jour planner with (my name engraved on) a Parker pen. Thank you. Really, i was not expecting that. Finally, you pulled one successful surprise. hahaha

hmmm...
wait for my own version because I'll sweep you off your feet again.

I love you bebe Franco.

just got lucky

am i really that lucky?
hhmmmmm
maybe.
maybe, its the other way around.
ahahaha


soon

i dont have the guts to ask for these. but really, I wanted this forever

1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her your jacket.

5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her somewhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her.

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say "I love her more than you", deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.

17. Kiss her unexpectedly.

18. Hug her from behind around the waist.

19. Tell her she's beautiful.

20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.

25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..

26. Don't lie to her.

27. DON'T cheat on her.

28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.

29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.

30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT.

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.

32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.

33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don't ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If she's upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..

36. When people diss her, stand up for her.

37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.

38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.

39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.

40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.

41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for long walks at night.

44. Always remind her how much you love her.

45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you're sitting on her.

You'll never know when she needs just a little more love ..

roll the dice

The Bottom Line

It's a great day for you to take a gamble in love or your career -- roll the dice!
In Detail

Today is a great day for you to take a gamble in love or in your career -- go ahead and roll the dice! You can afford to be a little more bold with what you say right now, so push the envelope. Make what you want a little bit more obvious to the person you want it from -- whether it's a date, a raise, or a promotion! This is an exhilarating time in your life, when you can start making a lot of good changes if you just show the universe that you are ready for them.

* * * * *

yes, I am ready now.

My Christmas Wishlist

This is the first time that I will be having a Christmas wishlist. I usually write down all the things I want for the coming year on New Year’s Eve or on days before my birthday. Based from my experience, people close to me are more generous on those occasions. But for a change or out of “gaya gaya” syndrome from my multiply contacts, here’s the list of my “what I want to receive” this Holiday season.

10. Cosmetics

After my graduation pictorial, I became interested with cosmetics. Suddenly, I want to buy a lot of them. Oh well, just MAC only. Ahaha. With a skin like mine (full or pimple marks, I don’t want another one), I’d like to invest on these stuff because MAC is formulated for those who have “sensitive” skin. I also want to enroll myself to Frank Provost’s make up lessons amounting to P12, 000. 00. Is there any Santa out there willing to finance my desire to be presentable enough?

9. Planner

I am the type of girl who wants everything to be planned and well deliberated because I hate surprises. I cannot adjust easily to those. And oh, the free coupon from ALDO is one valid reason why I must have this planner. Can someone give me a Belle de Jour planner available at PowerBooks? I think it’s around P600. 00 or less. For more interesting “you got to have this planner” information, you may want to visit their site (http://belledejourpowerplanner.com/09/index.php).

8. Dress/es –

I love wearing dresses when I was still thin but when I got bigger, I rarely wear one except on special occasions. Last Trinoma sale, I chanced upon a very nice satin cocktail dress from MANGO with a price tag that says “I look good on you because I am worth P3, 600. 00”. That’s too pricey according to my significant other because I can get to wear that dress once. He has a point so I must get over that dress. Dresses from Maxi, MNG (http://www.mango.com/home/home.htm?idioma=e&pais=728&europeo=N&tarifa=WO), People are People, Zara and Marks and Spencer are welcome. I also want Bench’s Overhauled denim pants, just give me the slim cut type. Hahahaha. Just last Tuesday,F noticed that leggings look good on me too. This means I also want to have one, Black (color).

7. Shoes

I have always dreamed of having a Jimmy Choo pair of shoes but it’s like breaking my bank account. I want to have comfy flats from CMG or Mendrez. Pumps from Nine West, Jannylin, Aldo, Celine, Dummond. Gladiator sandals from AlbertoParisian (available at SM Dept. Store). Training/Running shoes from Nike. Mary Janes type of sneakers from Lacoste ( http://www.lacoste.com/main.html) or Diesel.

6. Bag

I want a huge bag preferably a duffel bag because I have a lot of stuff to bring everyday. Hmmm. Any shoulder bag will do.But I'm drooling over this Marks and Spencer workbag.

5. Laptop

When my well loved Acer lappie got stolen last February 2008, I had the desire to have MacBook. Not just any Apple but Mac Air! I don’t have a hundred thousand bucks to spend for this almost thin and sleek gadget and so, I wish that my dad can read this. Dad, can you just hand me down your MacBook Pro?

4. Spa and Derma Treatments

With all the everyday stress that I am subjecting myself to, I want to be pampered like a princess even for one hour. A good massage from any reputable spa will do to relax my stiff muscles. I also want to avail Murad or Obagi treatments so that my pimples and pimple scars will disappear. God, I am so tired of hearing my partner rant on how bad my skin is. In short, gusto ko gumanda! Hahaha.

3. Watch/es

I am perpetually late for classes, meet-ups and etc and it is so ironic that I love to collect watches. Actually, I rarely wear one because it makes me panic more. Nevertheless, I want to have classic timepieces.

2. Vacation

I once read an article that quoted Walt Disney saying “Disneyland is the happiest place on earth” so I want to experience that thingy even for a day. HK Disneyland will be fine. Whew, I just want to have a break from my ever boring routines. Can some reward me this trip for being a diligent student on my graduation?

1. Peace of mind – I wouldn’t care much even if all the above mentioned stuff will not materialize just to have this very elusive peace of mind. Gee, I want to rest my brain from thinking of what is in store for me in the future. When will I stop worrying about my thesis? Rar. Maybe I should start writing on my chapter 4! I am way, way behind my schedule. What do I want after OrCom? Will I pursue cooking, preschool Ed teaching/ volunteering or law schooling? Tsk. That’s 6 months from now so I must first devote my time on my thesis. How can I refrainfrom being paranoid? Maybe when I start to trust again and finally move on from heartaches. How can I control my temper? Do I have to enroll myself in yoga classes? Maybe I should practice the 90/10 secret (thanks Beb for introducing this concept to me). Really, I know what I want and how I can achieve them but my personal issues are taking a toll on me. Slowly, I am learning to take one day at a time. I am now enjoying my life, there’s more to life aside from academics. I am two steps ahead on achieving Peace of mind.

ask them for nothing

If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them from their destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come.

And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person a free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options

i want a melman, too

Last night, F and I watched Madagascar: escape 2 Africa at Trinoma Cinemas. I so love the movie and I am giving it 5 stars. What a superb storyboard, way, way better than the first. I wish I could have a Melman, too. Someone who would appreciate me and would profess unconditional love. Jeez, I am getting too mushy. But really, the movie hit me. It dawned to me that every girl deserves to be treated like a queen especially when she treats her man like a king. It is so romantic for Melman to remember what Gloria wants and likes. Sometimes, it hurts me that it seems to me that I was the only one who remembers everything. Am I or the memories not worthy to be remembered? Ahahahaha. I want my own version of Melman. Where can I find him? Tsk. I want to be loved and treated like a princess atleast. I may not be the most beautiful and the most intelligent in the world but there is one thing I am sure of, I love deeply and I make sure that he feels it. Someday, I will find my Melman. And he is going to accept and love me even if I look like a Hippo.

Here's my favorite lines in the movie from Melman to Motomoto about Gloria:

“that’s not it. Listen mototo you better treat this lady like a queen. Because you... you my friend, you’ve found yourself the perfect woman. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I would give her flowers every day. And not just any flowers ok? Her favorites are orchids. White. And I’d bring her breakfast every day. 6 loaves of wheat toast with butter on the side. No crusts. The way she likes it. I’d be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend. And I’d spend every day trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most… most amazing laugh. That’s what I would do, if I were you. But I’m not, so you do it.”

whew, november

I have high hopes for this month. We started the month in a clean slate. Lord, may You guide us both in every actions that we will take. I lift everything to you.

its almost sembreak

there are alot of things I want to do this sembreak. places I want to visit. Gee, let me enjoy my last semestral break.

dated pio

Think of the person you`d like to be with the most right now, when did you last talk to them?
* Him. Physically together last Tuesday

When`s the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
* whenI woke up without a goodnight message then I felt bad. I knew it was wrong to feel that way because he has a lot of work to do.

Did you date anyone summer of 07?
* PIO

Do you hate being alone?
* not really

Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
* Him again

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
* Him. When we were overlooking Metro Manila two Tuesdays ago

Do you drink tea?
* yeah. Slimming tea.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
* usually

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages?
* I keep all his sms

What hurts more, to forgive for someone`s wrong-doing or to forget?
* To forget

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see / hear it?
* I often associate a lot of stuff with Him

Do you trust all of your friends?
* Not really

How did you feel when you woke up today?
* Terrible headache

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
* Myself

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
* YES

Are you afraid of falling in love?
* I am inlove

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
* Yes, I was

What`s your most recent text message say?
* sorry text with matching bola from him

What is it you truly want right now?
* I want some loving

Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship?
* yes

Person you last sent a text to?
* Him. “hmmp. Magwork kana”

Where was your primary taken?
* it was from mango online

How many kids do you want?
* 1 or 2 only

What are you doing tonight?
* inflate my self-esteem

Are you tan?
* I am negra

What were you up to at 11pm last night?
* exchanging SMS with him

Plans for tomorrow?
* will go to school and have my student clearance signed

What happened at 10:00 am today?
* sleeping

How many hours did you sleep last night?
* not much because Ken called and after that, I can no longer sleep

Who last sent you a message on FS?
* PIO BERNARDO-FUSTER

sick

am i dying soon?
why do i feel so weak?
the pain is too much to bear

papers.papers.papers

Gee, when will my academic obligations end?
BA Organizational Communication major in paper.
Malapit na ako magmukhang paper!
I so hate free rider groupmates. Tsk.
I can't wait for this semester to end
and so I can hit the beach--enjoy the black sand and the waves.

lazy

Gee, I am too lazy to write and think right now. I am not being the usual me. Whew, why on earth am I becoming this lazy and feeling bum all over again? Rar! I need an inspiration. Toink. I have an inspiration already but I want a more concrete and tangible thing or something that is physically present. Tsk. This is wrong! I should not depend my happiness nor my mood to someone/something else. I must slowly heal to become the better me. Good thoughts--you are welcome in my life! Hahahaha.

of fix and bangkok dangerous

And since I am done with my academic obligations and that I have nothing else to do, I decided to go to SM Marilao. I thought it would be nice to see some people and good buys than lie in my bed and watch TV. I don't want to succumb to depression by thinking that I am alone so I might as well enjoy my free cut by appreciating what money can do for me.

Upon parking, I was greeted by the huge poster/tarpaulin by the handsome face of Jake Cuenca. With his inviting smile, I decided to avail Bench Fix's cellophane treatment with some anti-stress substance and I also had my hair cut. After putting all that creamy and greasy stuff on my hair, I had to wait for like 2 hours before the attendant will wash my hair. Knowing the ever impatient me, I asked the salon attendant to see what movies are shown in the SM Cinemas and kindly take note of the showing time. Bench Fix being staffed with hospitable crew, they obliged with my simple wishes (the staff knew me because I became one of the patrons there).

And so Sandy went back to the salon with the information that "ITALY", "Kulam", "Bangkok Dangerous" and "Hellboy 2" are the only films available in the cinema. I was kind of disappointed because I thought of watching "Eagle Eye" today. Among the four movies, twas "bangkok dangerous" that has a better schedule so told the staff that I will just catch the movie instead of waiting in vain for the treatment to take effect. I can see their faces with amusement. One of them even asked me "Ma'am, sure po kayo? Sa second floor pa po ang Cinema, okay lang sa inyo maglakad ng may ganyan?". I answered him, "sure, no problem. I don't know them anyway. I can manage and thank you".

On my way to the Cinemas, I can see in my peripheral vision some glances. Amused or annoyed, I don't give a damn. I want to enjoy my day. The ticket personnel greeted me with a warm smile and even commented how I am multitasking. Upon seated at cinema 4, I made a conscious effort not to lie down because I don't want to "ruin" my hair wrap/mask. While waiting for the movie to start, I asked myself if the movie is a good choice. I felt that among the movies available, "Bangkok Dangerous" is the most worthy of my 80 pesos. There are several trailers played before they are available soon thus I made a mental note of those for me to watch next year. Some of the movies are "watchmen", "twilight" (this is the most exciting one. taken from stephanie mayer's best seller), "house bunny" and High school musical 3".

After 100 mins, the movie ended with Joe killing himself through a gun. Surprisingly, I enjoyed watching it. It may not be the best of Nicolas cage but the story board is well executed even badly paced. I am not a fun of this movie genre but I kind of appreciate the thought that even a ruthless killer knows how to love and show compassion. It was heartwarming to know that the teacher in him is willing to risk his life to save a student and friend. Gee, it made me realize that once you cared for the person, it's so hard to let him/her just go away. Rar. What more our parents? I love you mom and dad! Hahaha. Kisses.

Another strength of the movie is their location. Who wouldn't fall in love with Bangkok? Gee, the party strips are so inviting. Hot men and women. Let's party! Bangkok is also known to be the shopping haven--from original to fake items. It's also interesting to try shopping in the floating market. Oh Lord, it is so tempting to go there. I will go to Bangkok, soon. Hopefully on December. Hahaha. I am planning to tour Asia. But where will I get the money? I must save now. I wish!

Come June, I'll be out of the Philippines for a while. I will find myself and enrich my knowledge. Backpacking the world---that's my goal and motivation for my everyday living. Whew, I can't wait for the days to be over. If I can only have a remote control ala Click (Adam sandler movie), I would have it fast forward to June.

closest to liquid

Last alc0hol u had:

:: blowjob and Shirley temple

Last movie:

:: hellboy 2. I don’t think that I can muster enough courage to watch movies again.

Last beverage:

:: water

Last call:

:: was trying to ring his phone just in case he slept. He might be late, you know J

Last text message:

:: “yun pala ang surprise mo”

Last song played:

:: love will you back

Last time you cried:

:: just this 4am

Last meal:

:: baked zitti from sbarro

EIGHT Have You’s

Have you ever dated someone ur bestfriend likes?

:: chaz used to be my bestfriend and I dated ken eventhough I knew that she liked him

Have you ever been cheated on?

:: at some point people cheat unknowingly

Have you ever bought condoms?

:: I haven’t bought one in the counter

Is there one person who can make you

feel better no matter what?

:: yes, and I didn’t take good care of that person. But how I wish that I could have him back again

Do you find yourself crushing on

someone currently?

:: rar. No!

Have you ever lost someone?

:: we are just physically apart but in my heart, Im still nurturing the love I have for him

Have you ever been depressed?

:: falling in to the depths of depression again

Do you smile at strangers?

:: depends on my mood

RANDOM:

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

:: its getting better

What is your wallpaper on your cellphone?

:: green apple

How many people have you kissed in 2008?

:: just F

Were you happy when you woke up today?

:: not so but as we speak, I have a better mood

What is a fact about the last person who texted you?

:: he is the love of my life

Do you hate the last person you kissed?

:: no way! I would love to kiss him every minute of my life

What are you listening to right now?

:: chirping birds outside my window

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?

:: pairs of shoes

Last night you felt...

:: jaded

Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?

:: would you believe that the 240 messages in my phone just came F? I cannot delete those sweet and caring messages because I may never receive the same content ever again

You're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?

:: I maybe sad or I am so happy that I don’t want to ruin the moment. Or I maybe thinking of what to do next

Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?

:: not yet and I don’t intend to be like that. No reasons to bury bridges

Last time you laughed?

:: long time ago

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?

:: no. just let it pass

Do you bump into someone's arm if you want to hold their hand?

:: I so dig cuddling. I am touchy to people that I care about

Last argument?

:: just a discussion last night. Peaceful and full of love

Plans for saturday?

:: none so far but if ever he asked me out, oh sure!

Excited for anything?

:: Oct-sembreak

Dec-grandpa’s birthday

March-my 22^nd birthday

April-graduation day

Last time you were confused?

:: this very moment

Do you hate when people smoke around you?

:: I don’t mind

Who was the last girl you talked to?

::mom

Who was the last person you talked to in person?

:: mom

Do you have any plans for today?

:: none. Sana ayain nya ako magmovie. hahaha

Do you think best friends can be replaced?

:: NO

Are you 18?

:: 21 at that

Whats the closest thing to you that's liquid?

:: tears? hahaha

What did you do last night, with who?

:: went to cyberzone, brought him dinner then went home to take a goodnight rest