Unexpected Phone Call

That's all I need and I am off to recovery.
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This will be a year of healing for me. It's about becoming whole where you've been in pieces, gaining strength where there has been vulnerability and removing regret and resentment. At various points in the past, all these things have stopped me from fulfilling my true potential. Each time I have reached within myself for a talent, an objective insight or a simple ability to enjoy life, I have encountered a memory of a time when something went badly wrong. Even now, to think about this experience makes me feel negative, pessimistic or just plain afraid.

Here comes a chance to look at what has been difficult and ask why. I also get to see how various factors which once seemed powerful and prevalent are now weak and irrelevant. I need to regain a precious sense of perspective and in the process of restoring this level of understanding, I should start seeing how to forgive but not forget. Whenever I feel that I can't forgive, I hurt myself far more than I hurt the perpetrator of whatever harm has been done. Not forgetting would simply mean that there is a reminder on not committing that same mistake again. We have to keep the memory but let go of the pain. That is healing's great challenge and the reason why some people find it hard. Sometimes anger, resentment and irritation become forces that motivate us. That's not always bad, but it eats us up within. I need to stop something from eating me up from within. I need to look at why it is that keeps making mistakes or going round in circles.

There is something superwoman about me. When I am at my best, nothing can stop me. But not when I am hurting. Not when something within me isn't straight within itself. This year, I have to get to move on. All kinds of help from different set of people are highly appreciated. But I know that I have to be willing to put aside a pain that has long informed my choices - not always in a positive way. I have to face my own darkness and replace it with light. The courage to do that may take a while to find but it is something I will only benefit from finding.