alone

I got a text from April two nights ago and the sms goes . . .

"at some point, you will realize that you have done too much already for someone that the only next possible step to do, is to leave them alone"

. . . I disagree to some parts of the SMS. It is so hard to give up on someone that you prayed and bargained for. You know that despite the heart aches and misunderstandings, that one person is the only guy capable of making you happy. In a social psychology book that I read, this is called escalation of commitment. One is very reluctant to give up thinking that he or she invested (feelings and efforts) a lot in the relationship. This is also related to resilience or one's ability to bounce back after a major setback. Gee, i can very well remember these terms because I wrote a scientific journal manuscript on these variables.

Leaving someone alone takes a lot of courage. Courage not to look back for fears that the moment you look back, you will keep running back to him or worse, he isn't even there. The latter is more painful, I think. But of course, if the relationship is making you miserable- sad and tear jerking, maybe, just maybe it is time to walk out of the relationship and save whatever friendship is left. Salvage as much as you can.

There are a lot of options to exhaust and try. There is not one good formula for a lasting relationship. What worked for others might not work for you. Open communication lines and open mindedness are musts in a relationship.

I don't have the courage to walk out on someone that I love so much. Its not even an escalation of commitment. I am highly resilient based on my personality exams last semester. I may be miserable today because I keep on looking for flaws, and I fail to appreciate that one person who says that "he loves me despite my imperfections". The communication line between us is open but is subject to many psychological noise. I guess, both failed to be open minded. Biases and stereotypes are hard to give up, too. Love is not always enough. It is not a question of how much you love the person, it is how you translate that love into actions. Love is a verb to be acted upon. I may not have the courage to walk out of his life, but then again, I am resilient too. Don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of leaving my man. No, i wont. I am a fighter and I don't give up just like that. If he doesn't love me anymore or if he no longer cares for me then it is his problem to end the relationship. Stupid? Martyr? I couldn't care less. At the end of the day, he is my happiness.